Here is a foolproof safe way of producing a loud bang with common
household supplies without any risk of explosion, firehazard or losing
Go to your favorite McDonalds. and have your happy meal packed in those brown
paper bags. Once you have finished your diner you are stuck with the
brown paper bag which you kept carefully clean and away from any sharp
To set up the bang, curl your right hand thumb and right hand index (left
hand thumb and left hand index for the left-handed readers) around the
top of the bag and squeeze them together 'til the opening of the bag
is reduced to about 1/2" in diameter.
Now take a deep breath and hold it. Place the opening of the bag with
the thumb and index still around it to your mouth and exhale until the bag
is completely full. If you can't get it full in one exhalation, STOP
SMOKING and try again.
I case I was not clear, you are NOT supposed to vomit in the bag as you
Now press your index and thumb real hard together 'til the opening of the
bag is completely closed.
To set off the bang, simply clap your hands. For those who didn't
understand, here it is again in slow motion: c l a p y o u r h a n d s.
Run like hell while mum and dad chase you throughout the house considering
a good spanking.
Tried the above last night at the model airplane club. People were angry
at me for over three hours and I never got that complimentary coffee I
normally get. The only thing I am wondering about is when this continues
ringing in my ears is going to stop.
--Wilfred van Bergen (1997)