[Tiger]

1/
A man walks into a doctor's office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear, and a banana in his right ear.
"What's the matter with me?" he asks the doctor.
The doctor replies, "You're not eating properly."

2/
A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast.
"You aren't so good in bed either!" he shouted and stormed off to work.
By midmorning, the doctor decided he'd better make amends and so he phoned home. After many rings, his wife picked up the phone.
"What took you so long to answer?"
"I was in bed,"
"What were you doing in bed this late?"
"Getting a second opinion."

3/
Patient: Doc, every time I drink coffee, I get a stabbing sensation in my eye.
Doctor: Next time, take the spoon out of the cup.

4/
Sherman gets a call from his doctor with the results on his bood test.
"I've got bad news and worse news," says the doctor. "The bad news is that you've got only twenty-four hours to live."
"Oh, no," say Sherman. "That's terrible. How can it get any worse than that?"
"I've been trying to reach you since yesterday."

5/ My doctor likes to break things to me gently. The other day I ased her, "Doc, is it serious?"
She said, "Only if you have plans for next year!"

[kevins]

For 3,

So I wear spectacles when I have a coffee. :cool1: