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Offline Alpha-Omega

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Funny Headlines
« Reply #270 on: March 30, 2008, 04:25:04 PM »
Funny Headlines

- Something went wrong in jet crash, experts say
- Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers
- Safety experts say school bus passengers should be belted
- Drunk gets nine months in violin case
- Survivor of siamese twins joins parents
- Farmer Bill dies in house
- Iraqi head seeks arms
- Is there a ring of debris around Uranus?
- Stud tires out
- Prostitutes appeal to Pope
- Panda mating fails, Veterinarian takes over
- Soviet virgin lands short of goal again
- British left waffles on Falkland Islands
- Eye drops off shelf
- Teacher strikes idle kids
- Reagan wins on budget, but more lies ahead
- Squad helps dog bite victim
- Shot off woman's leg helps Nicklaus to 66
- Enraged cow injures farmer with axe
- Plane too close to ground, crash probe told
- Miners refuse to work after death
- Juvenile court to try shooting defendant
- Stolen painting found by tree
- Two soviet ships collide, one dies
- 2 sisters reunited after 18 years in checkout counter
- Killer sentenced to die for second time in 10 years
- Never withhold herpes infection from loved one
- Drunken drivers paid in 84
- War dims hope for peace
- If strike isn't settled quickly, it may last a while
- Cold wave linked to temperatures
- Enfiels couple slain, Police suspect homicide

Offline Alpha-Omega

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The Canonical List of Computer-Related Acronyms
« Reply #271 on: March 30, 2008, 04:29:26 PM »
The Canonical list of computer-related acronyms

IBM

I Blame Microsoft
Idiots Buy Me
Idiots Building Machines
I'll Buy Macintoshes (next time...)
It Bit Me
It Built Microsoft
It's Better Manually
I've Been Mislead
I've Been Mugged


WINDOWS

Well, It Never Does Operate With Speed
When I Need Data Output Without Speed
While Idle, Needs DX or WorkStation
Wholly Inadequate Needless Damned Outrageous Waste of Space
Will Install Needless Data On Whole System


WIN

Whoppingly Immense NOP
Worm Infestation Netware


MS-WINDOWS NT / WINDOWS NT

My Solitaire With Its New De-accelerator, Only With Some Network Technology
Well Intended, Netword De-accelerator, Only Works Sometimes, Never Totally



Offline Alpha-Omega

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My Day As A Juror
« Reply #272 on: March 31, 2008, 09:13:20 PM »
OMG...they made me Forewoman of the Jury because I COULD DO MATH....and they were right to do so....LMAO!!!!!
 
This is the very first time I have ever been called in Chicago for Jury Duty...OH AND THEY PULLED ME RIGHT AWAY...I WAS #1-first pulled from a room of 300 jurors...very wierd...Hell I even had the judge laughing ...as soon as they heard I ws a Chemist....BOOM!!!!!!!
 
LOL...when I went to deliver the verdict...the Judge..."And Ms. B....you are the Forewoman....YES.....THAT WOULD BE ME....!!!!!!!!!!  He was LHAO..  He kwnew they would pick me...very strange.....very cool!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not sure I liked being called:  Madame Forewoman!!!!!!

Just think of all the famous Madames....LOL LOL ;D

Offline Alpha-Omega

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How Rare is Your Name!!!!!
« Reply #273 on: March 31, 2008, 10:36:40 PM »
How Rare Is Your Name?

Go to this web site called http://www.howmanyofme.com.
Put in your first and last name and see how many people in the USA have
your name as well. Then after my name add your name to the bottom of this list.


1. There are 73 people in the U.S. Named Jody Jordan.
2. There are 354 people in the US named Darlene Gonzalez.
3. There are 18 people in the US named Connie Roche.
4. There is only 1 person in the US named Joanne McClearn (thank goodness)
5. There is no one else in US named Alessandra Capella
6. There is no one else in the US named Yolanda Muse Moore. 
7. There is no one else in the US named Zella Shigg.
8. There are 2,654 people in the US named Susan Lee.
9. There are 209 people in the US named Rebecca Cummings.
10. There is no one else in the US named Monica Wildonger .
11. There is n o one else in the US with the name Earlene Lykins
12. There are 10,195 people in the U.S. with the name of Karen Smith
13 There is only 1 person (ME!) in the US named Marsha Gaier!
14. There are 186 people in the US named Donna Hensley
15. There are 60 people in the US named Nina Willis
16. There are 922 people in the US named Mary Summers
17. There are 4558 people in the US names Trish Hartman   
18. There are 486 people in the US named Pat Wegley
19. There are 27 people in the U.S. named Judith Grubb
20. There are 6 people in the US named Homer Crow (Hard to Believe)
21. There are 72 people in the US named Richard Stackhouse
22.  There is only 1 person in the US named Vonda Partin.
23.  There is only 1 person in the US named Carola Spurlock.
24.   There are 74 people in the US named Stella Stephens.
25.  There are 13 people in the US named Karen Dragon   
26. There is no one else in the US with the name Bobbi Budke
27 There are 3 Karla Gilman ...pretty neat site
28 There are 1,063 people in the US named Jacob Miller.
29. There are 37 people in the US with the name Andrew Vest.
30. there are 681 people in the US named Tracy Green
31. There are 564 people in the U. S named Sally Harris
32. there are 12 people in the US named Judy Slattery
33. there are 84 people in the US named Saundra Miller.
34 there are 0 ppl in the us named Jestina Denton {none named Jestina at all...lol}
35. there are 63 ppl named Dennis Denton
                      36. There are 11 people in the US Named Diana McFall. Isn't that scary! LOL
               37.  There are 74 people in the US Named Chris Huffman.
               38.  There are 63 people in the US Named Zachary Carlson.
39.  there are 15 people in the US named Jeannine Hunt
40. There is only 1 person in the US named Bobbie Trevena 
41.  Apparently according to  the US Census there are 0 Linda Trevena ( Guess I don't exist! )
42.  There are 36 people named June Montoya.....amazing!
43. There are 82 people in the US that are named Lawrence Montoya.
44. THERE IS ONLY 1   DENVER BEAL
45. Doesn't even show me! PHEWWWWWWW !
46. There are 12 named David Lyde
47 There are 28 named Deborah Mello
48. there are 0 named Paulette Oots
49.  There are 37 people named Leo Luna
50. There are 0 people named Lisa Folena (I'm the only one...I knew I was important!)
51. There are 585,085 named Catherine and 0 named Folena
52. There are 157 people with the name of Gina Reynolds & 117 with Regina Reynolds
53. THERE ARE 57 MARIE MOREHEADS IN THIS WORLD!
54. There are 0 Xandra Crelier's in this world (not so shocking) 
55. There are 804 people in the US named Andrea Walker~ 
56. There are 33 people in the US Named Angie Curtis.
 57.  There are 2 people in the US Named Donna Sinibaldi.
 58.  There are 11 people in the US  Named Melody Lott.
59.    There are 8 people named Melinda Duckworth (but 85 Linda Duckworthʼs)
60.     There are 0 named Arlen Proctor
 61.        There is 1 person in the US Named Sharon Jarding
62.        There are 28 people in the U.S. named Loren Montgomery
63. There are 41 named Sherry Peck
64. There are 50 named Angela Parr
65.  There is only 1 person in the world named Marlo Gallagher.  That's me.
66.  There is 213 people named Karen Fischer
67. There are 29 people named Frances Kowalski
68. There are 141 people with my name in the U.S.A.

69.    There are 1215 Deborah Nelsons in the U.S.A.
70.    There is 1 Ladonna DeCaterina in the USA
71. There are 98 Krista Nelson's
72.  There are 86 people in the US named Jamie Greer.
73. There is 1 Kymberly Key in the US
74. There is 1 person in the U.S. named Miguel Marcelino.
75There are 1,971 people with my name
in the U.S.A. pamela moore
76. There are 294 people named Janice Henry and only 108 with the name Janice Marsh!
77. There are 2 people named Elsie Sword, 0 people named Westine Pendergraft, 1 Elsie Pendergraft and 0 people with name Westine.
78. There are 78 people in the U S A  named Carol Coker,  7 named Carol Pendergraft.
79. There are 147 people in the USA named Darlene Boyd, 15 named Darlene Spicer and only 1 "Bulldog" Boyd.
80.  There are 63 people in the USA named Jennifer Wofford, 991 named Jennifer Simpson (my parents could have been a little more original!!)
81. There are 21 people named Deanna Glass
82.  There are 2 people named Sonny Glass
83.  There are 499 people named John Tipton
84.  There is only one person named Dominga Tipton
85.There are 75 people in the U.S. named Marion Becker

Offline Alpha-Omega

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How Many Scientists Does It Take To Screw In A Lightbulb
« Reply #274 on: April 01, 2008, 04:02:06 PM »
How Many Scientists Does It Take To Screw In A Lightbulb

Q: How many scientists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They use them as controls in double blind trials.

Q: How many academics does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. That is what their students are for. (from Philip Clarke in New
Scientist)

A: Five: One to write the grant proposal, one to do the mathematical
modelling, one to type the research paper, one to submit the paper for
publishing, and one to hire a student to do the work.

Q: How many laboratory heads (senior researchers, etc.) does it take to
change a lightbulb?
A: Five; one to change the lightbulb, the other four to stand around
arguing whether he/she is taking the right approach.

Q: How many research technicians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One, but it'll probably take him/her three or four tries to get it right.

Q: How many post-doctoral fellows does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One, but it'll probably take three or four tries to get it right because
he/she will probably give it to the technician to do.

Q: How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
A: It all depends on the size of the grant.
A: Two and a professor to take credit.
A: 1/100. A graduate student needs to change 100 lightbulbs a day.
A: I don't know, but make my stipend tax-free, give my advisor a
0,000 grant of the taxpayer's money, and I'm sure he can tell me
how to do the work for him so he can take the credit for answering this
incredibly vital question.


Offline Alpha-Omega

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Academic Life-A Daughter's Letter
« Reply #275 on: April 01, 2008, 04:02:46 PM »
Academic Life-A Daughter's Letter

Dear Mother and Dad,

It has now been three months since I left for college. I have been remiss
in writing and I am very sorry for the thoughtlessness in not having
written before. I will bring you up-to-date now, but before you read on,
please sit down. You are not going to read any further unless you are
sitting down. Okay?

Well, I am getting along pretty well now. The skull fracture and the
concussion I got when I jumped out of the window of my dormitory when it
caught fire shortly after my arrival are pretty well healed now. I only
spent two weeks in the hospital, and now I can see almost normally and only
get those sick headaches one a day.

Fortunately, the fire in the dormitory and my jump were witnessed by an
attendant at the gas station near the dorm, and he was the one who called
the Fire Department and the ambulance.

He also visited me in the hospital and since I had nowhere to live because
of the burnt out dormitory, he was kind enough to invite me to share his
apartment with him. Its really a basement room, but its kind of cute. He is
a very fine boy and we have fallen deeply in love and are planning to get
married. We haven't set the exact date yet, but it will be before my
pregnancy begins to show.

Yes, Mother and Dad, I am pregnant. I know how much you are looking forward
to being grandparents and I know you will welcome the baby and give it the
same love and devotion and tender care you gave me when I was a child.

The reason for the delay in our marriage is that my boyfriend has some
minor infection which prevents us from passing the pre-marital blood test
and I carelessly caught it from him. This will clear up with the penicillin
injections I am now taking daily. I know you will welcome him into the
family with open arms. He is kind and although not well educated, he is
ambitious. Although he is of a different race and religion than ours, I
know your often expressed tolerance will not permit you to be bothered by
the fact that his skin color is somewhat different than ours. I am sure
that you will love him as I do. His family background is good too, for I am
told that his father is an important engineer for the sanitation department
he works for. Although they say he runs his office from his truck.

Now that I have brought you up-to-date, folks, I want to tell you that
there was NO dormitory fire, I did not have a concussion or a skull
fracture, I was not in the hospital, I am not pregnant, I am not engaged, I
do not have syphilis, and there is no schwartze in my life. However, I am
getting a "D" in history and an "F" in science, and I wanted you to see
those marks in the proper perspective.

Your loving daughter, ...

Offline Alpha-Omega

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NEW UNIVERSITY PROMOS
« Reply #276 on: April 01, 2008, 04:03:41 PM »
NEW UNIVERSITY PROMOS

BROWN: Hey kids! Is half of your head shaved? Do you have a nose ring? Are
you terribly progressive and do you have a lot of empathy? Are you sick and
tired of silly things like grades and majors? COME TO BROWN!!!

COLUMBIA: Hey kids! Do you like Harlem? Do you like commuters? Are you
planning on transferring to another Ivy school after your freshman year?
COME TO COLUMBIA!!!

HARVARD: Hey kids! Do you hate teachers? I mean really hate them? Do you
never want to have another teacher again? And what about a social life? Do
you hate that too? COME TO HARVARD!!!

PRINCETON: Hey kids! Do you have any idea what an eating club is? Are you
pompous? Can you learn to be? Are you the smartest person you know? How
many clubs were you in in high school? Have you always dreamed of living in
the great state of New Jersey? COME TO PRINCETON!!!

PENN: Hey kids! Did you like high school a lot ? How about four more years
of the same? Are you dying to visit scenic West Philadelphia? Does the
concept of rigorous academics scare you? COME TO PENN!!!

CORNELL: Hey kids! Do you hate intimacy? Are you interested in jumping off
high places? Have you ever wanted to converse with future hotel managers?
Do you like bureaucracy? Do you like archaic forms and the chance to stand
in lines with the best and brightest? COME TO CORNELL -- The Big Red
Tape!!!

DARTMOUTH: Hey kids! Do you hate civilization? Looking to get away from
stuff like culture and people? Do you like to drink? Do you like to drink
some more? Do you like to continue to drink? And what's your feeling on
drinking? COME TO DARTMOUTH!!!

M.I.T.: Hey kids! Are you a freakish nerd? Do you want to be? Do you hate
doing anything that doesn't involve math? That's right, math! Math math
math math and more math! COME TO M.I.T.!!! PLEASE !!!

BOSTON COLLEGE: If you haven't figured out how to invent the wheel (but
have discovered fire and fire-sticks), don't know your ass from your elbows
(but do know genetic plant structures and genetic recombination enough to
produce 24 variants of 'da weed' with a garden weasel and a piece of
Egyptian chewing gum preserved for 2000 years, enjoy the advantages of
indecision (hence being in Boston, but not really), and enjoyed Student
Council so much that you NEED TO LIVE IT AGAIN, COME TO BC!!!

SYRACUSE: Hey kids, do you like it when your Chancellor takes all your
money and gives it to a private firm to design a new logo and mascot
because yours isn't selling well? Are athletics the only thing that matters
to you? Do you believe in money first, students last? Is your idea of a
good time learning about the History of the salt trade and the Erie canal?
THEN COME TO SYRACUSE!!!


 

 

 

 

 



Offline Alpha-Omega

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Fear and Ignorance-Combined Science
« Reply #277 on: April 01, 2008, 04:15:51 PM »
For years now, the science of "anatomy" has been based on nothing but luck
and speculation, shrinking away from addressing the true problem of
uncovering the most basic constituents of the human body in fear of
offending certain puritanical "moral" superstitions.

I propose that, following in the footsteps of particle physics, we construct a tube 5 km
long and about one meter in diameter into each end of which human subjects
can be inserted and accelerated towards each other at upwards of 3*10^4
m/s.

Upon collision the net energy should be sufficient to break apart the
subjects into their component parts which will then be captured by a
sophisticated bucket-and-tubing mechanism and classified by the planet's
best anatomists.

Only by such means can we ever hope to put the science of
anatomy on a firm footing and shed light on that which has heretofore been
veiled by the darkness of ignorance and fear.

Offline Alpha-Omega

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The Marriage-Combined Sciences
« Reply #278 on: April 01, 2008, 04:19:24 PM »
There is a general feeling in the public that IISc/IIT students are fundundamentally,
unassumingly lost in thought almost all the time. And girls fare no better
in this respect. So let us see what a Non IISc/IITain may face when he
marries a girl from this campus.

SCENE: First night of the marriage.

CHARACTERS: IISc/IIT Bride and Non IISc/IIT Groom.

The Groom approaches the Bride and proposes to kiss her. So let us see what
would be her reaction..

GIRL FROM DEPT OF PHYSICS:

"Well kissing is relative. You can kiss me with respect to me or with
respect to you. First define how you are going to kiss. You can kiss me by
treating me in the same reference frame as you are or treating me in a
different inertial frame by producing waves of motion through your lips.
How do you prefer?

The guy faints.

GIRL FROM DEPT OF MATHEMATICS:

"Kissing is fine. You can kiss me provided you satisfy the following
conditions.

Necessary conditions: You should be close to me by a distance delta where
delta is greater than zero and the limit for delta tends to zero and you
satisfy the closure property.

Sufficient conditions: You should have lips. Where the number of lips is
neither more than two nor less than two. You can also kiss by defining your
hand to be me if and only if you satisfy the above conditions.

The guy goes mad.

GIRL FORM ECOLOGICAL SCIENCES:

"Oh Kissing, that is interesting phenomena that occurs in nature. This is
an initiating process for sex not only found in homosapiens but also in all
heterosapiens, mammals, camels, vertebrates, invertebrates and insects. Out
of 1000 ants observed in a closed laboratory in Zuvinich in Yugoslavia 90%
of them seem to involve in the process of kissing but the subsequence is
very random with probability 0.672139 that a male ant kiss female
ant. First observe the behaviour of ants and cockroaches under various
conditions. That will be very interesting . Isn't it?

The guy has heart attack.

GIRL FROM CS (Computer Science):

"You want to kiss me. That is fine I assume that you know the algorithm for
that very well. But you have to complete the process within 56.22 seconds
or else connection will be timed out. To optimise the timing lets do
parallel processing. As we have to discuss about our future and other
things, let us do the process of discussion foreground and why can't you
put the process of Kissing background?"

The guy applies for divorce.

GIRL from EE (Electrical Engineering):

"So you would like to kiss me. The process of kissing is an age old
communication process. The information content of the signal transmitted
from one pair of lips to the other is more if the probability of the event
(of kissing) is less. Hence take care. If you want a successful
communication between us, you should kiss me less often. If the information
content is to be infinite, you should never kiss me at all!"

Offline Alpha-Omega

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THE BOTTLE OF WINE
« Reply #279 on: April 01, 2008, 09:33:57 PM »
THE BOTTLE OF WINE

For all of us who are married, were married, wish
You were married, or wish you weren't married, this
Is something to smile about the next time you see a
Bottle of wine:

Sally was driving home from one of her business
Trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly
Navajo woman walking on the side of the road .

As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped
The car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like
A ride.

With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into
The car.

Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make
A bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old
Woman just sat silently, looking intently at
EVERYTHING she saw, studying every little detail,
Until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to
Sally .

"What in bag?" asked the old woman.

Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, "It's
A bottle of wine. I got it for my husband."

The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or
Two.

Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder,
She said:

 

"Good trade.. 
« Last Edit: April 02, 2008, 06:18:48 PM by Alpha-Omega »

Offline Alpha-Omega

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Mental Age Assessment Test by the School of Psychiatry at Harvard University
« Reply #280 on: April 03, 2008, 02:24:39 PM »
The following was developed as a mental age assessment by the School of
Psychiatry at Harvard University

Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a
mistake.

The average person over 40 years of age cannot do it!

1. This is this cat.
2. This is is cat.
3. This is how cat.
4. This is to cat.
5. This is keep cat.
6. This is an cat.
7. This is old cat.
8. This is fart cat.
9. This is busy cat.
10. This is for cat.
11. This is forty cat.
12. This is seconds cat.

Now go back and read the third word in each line from the top down

Offline Alpha-Omega

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Don't Laugh
« Reply #281 on: April 03, 2008, 09:41:16 PM »
Don't laugh
The first thing Fred says as he sees the doctor is
"Please don't laugh".

Of course I won't laugh," the doctor said. "I'm a
professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient."

"Okay then," Fred said, and proceeded to drop his
trousers, revealing the tiniest penis the doctor had ever seen. It couldn¢t have been the size of a peanut.

Unable to control himself, the doctor started
giggling, then fell laughing to the floor.

Ten minutes later he was able to struggle to his feet
and regain his composure.

"I'm so sorry, "Said the doctor, "I really am..
I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a doctor and a gentleman, I promise it won¢t happen again. Now what seems to be the problem?"

"It's swollen," Fred replied.

Offline Alpha-Omega

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IRISH BIRTH CONTROL
« Reply #282 on: April 03, 2008, 09:46:33 PM »
IRISH BIRTH CONTROL

Mrs. Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin when she met up with Father Flaherty.
 
The Father said, 'Top o' the mornin' to ye! Aren't ye Mrs. Donovan and didn't I marry ye and yer hoosband 2 years ago?'  She replied, 'Aye, that ye did, Father.'

The Father asked, 'And be there any wee little ones yet?'

She replied, 'No, not yet, Father.'

The Father said, 'Well now, I'm going to Rome next week and I'll light a candle for ye and yer hoosband.'

She replied, 'Oh, thank ye, Father.' They then parted ways. 

Some years later they met again. The Father asked,  'Well now, Mrs. Donovan , how are ye these days?'

She replied, 'Oh, very well, Father!' The Father & lt; BR>> asked, 'And tell me, have ye any wee ones yet?'

She replied, 'Oh yes, Father! Three sets of twins  and 4 single! s, 10 in all!'

The Father said, 'That' s wonderful! How is yer loving hoosband doing?'

She replied, 'E's gone to Rome to blow out yer fookin' candle!'
« Last Edit: April 04, 2008, 01:09:56 AM by Alpha-Omega »

Offline Alpha-Omega

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SCHOOL -- 1957 vs. 2007-Times Have Changed!!!
« Reply #283 on: April 04, 2008, 10:35:53 PM »
SCHOOL -- 1957 vs. 2007

Scenario:  Jack goes quail hunting before school, pulls into school parking lot with shotgun in gun rack.

1957 - Vice Principal comes over, looks at Jack's shotgun, goes to his car and gets his shotgun to show Jack.
2007 - School goes into lock down, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for traumatized students and teachers. 

Scenario:  Johnny and Mark get into a fistfight after school.

1957 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up buddies.
2007 - Police called, SWAT team arrives, arrests Johnny and Mark. Charge them with assault, both expelled even though Johnny started it. 

Scenario:  Jeffrey won't be still in class, disrupts other students.

1957 - Jeffrey sent to office and given a good paddling by the Principal. Returns to class, sits 
still and does not disrupt class again.
2007 - Jeffrey given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. Tested for ADD. School gets extra money from state because Jeffrey has a disability. 

Scenariobsp;Billy breaks a window in his neighbor's car and his Dad gives him a whipping with his belt.

1957 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful busi nessman.
2007 - Billy's dad is arrested for child abuse.  Billy removed to foster care and joins a gang.  State psychologist tells Billy's sister that she remembers being abused herself and their dad goes to prison.  Billy's mom has affair with psychologist. 

Scenario:  Mark gets a headache and takes some aspirin to school.

1957 - Mark shares aspirin with Principal out on the smoking dock.
2007 - Police called, Mark expelled from school for drug violations. Car searched for drugs and weapons. 

Scenario:  Pedro fails high school English.

1957 - Pedro goes to summer school, passes English, goes to college.
2007 - Pedro's cause is taken up by state. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement for graduation is racist. ACLU files class action lawsuit against state school system and Pedro's English teacher.  English banned from core curriculum.  Pedro given diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he cannot speak English. 

Scenario:  Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from 4th of July, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle, blows up a red ant bed.

1957 - Ants die.
2007 - BATF, Homeland Security, FBI called. Johnny charged with  domestic terrorism, FBI investigates parents, siblings removed from home, computers confiscated, Johnny's Dad goes on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.

Scenario:  Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his teacher, Mary.  Mary hugs him to comfort him.

1957 - In a short time, Johnny feels better and goes on playing.
2007 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces 3 years in State Prison. Johnny undergoes 5 years of therapy.

Offline TaSt3MyRa1nBoW

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    • TASTE MY RAINBOW BITCHES!
PENGUIN JOKE-VERY CUTE!
« Reply #284 on: April 07, 2008, 10:57:09 AM »
A vacationing penguin is driving through Arizona when he notices
that the oil-pressure light is on.  He gets out to look and sees oil
dripping out of the motor.  He drives to the nearest town and stops
at the first gas station.

After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around
town.  He sees an ice-cream shop and, being a penguin in Arizona,
decides that something cold would really hit the spot.  He gets a
big dish of vanilla ice cream and sits down to eat.  Having no hands,
he makes a real mess trying to eat with his little flippers. 

After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks
the mechanic if he's found the problem.  The mechanic looks up and
says, "It looks like you blew a seal."

"No, no," the penguin replies, "it's just ice cream."
<br>:-X
*Yes I Crank It Everyday, Haterz Get Mad Cuz...I Got Me Some Bathin Apes!

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