1. A chemistry teacher was berating the students for not learning the Periodic Table of the Elements. She said, "Why when I was your age I knew both their names and weights." One kid popped up, "Yeah, but teach, there were so few of them back then.
2. A chemist walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist, "Do you have any acetylsalicylic acid?"
"You mean aspirin?" asked the pharmacist. "That's it, I can never remember that word."
3. A physical chemist is a student who goes to university thinking he might want to be a physicist, but gets intimated by the math.
4. First law of Laboratorics: Hot glass and cold glass look alike!
5. Two chemists meet for the first time at a symposium. One is American, one is British. The British chemist asks the American chemist, "So what do you do for research?" The American responds, "Oh, I work with aerosols." The Brit responds, "Yes, sometimes my colleagues get on my nerves also."